Today I told A good friend good-bye. Someone I found to confide in and would listen to me. This person put a hand on my back rub it around a bit, pat me a few times, and tell me it would all be ok.That is exactly what I've needed for a very long time.
You may be wondering to yourself or out loud, "why in the world would you say good-bye if they meant so much to you?". Well simple answer is that stipulations state that because this person is female, and I am male, and we are alone together in the privacy of my home (If you have been to my house, you know that I keep blinds closed most of the time due to bright lights cause migraines.) So a man and woman alone in a house with all outside contact cut off. Yeah use your imagination. What comes to mind first? AND THAT... is exactly why things needed to come to an end.
Now your next thought,(maybe not. Usually only pooled that are inquisitive would wonder this). is: Matt, why now dude? why not weeks ago? or why not never? or just later in the future? Why now exactly? I'll tell you that too. It is also fairly simple. Same reason. But we just tried to keep it private because it was no one's business that we hung out alone. They would just assume the first thing that came to mind. Be it the correct or incorrect thing, they would would assume something. It's human nature to solve problems, some people more than others, and some are better at it than others. So, the answer in English, is: People really suck, and can't just leave someone elses buisness alone. ... No your right, thats not the answer. The answer, is that because this person is married, that spending time with me like this would not seem appropriate. So in order to prevent any problems in the relationship this person has with her husband, I had to tell her good-bye.
Matt just find a woman who isn't married! DUH! Then you can be more than friends!... Yeah, well, I know what it's like to love and lose. Whoever said it is a far better thing to have loved and lost than never loved at all, should die (yes I know he is dead already). I have loved, and I have lost. I will not do it again. If there is someone out there for me who can do things for me just right...I regret to say. "I don't want to know her, or meet her". I do not have the heart to try anymore. Losing friends, loves, children, my freedom (I'm locked down to what I can do anymore due to my cluster migraines.) I can't let it happen again. It sucks to much.
Once I loved a woman. Now it sucks between us. Another time there was a woman that I cared so much for, that I would have done anything for her. Now she is spiteful and mean, and assumes everything is bad. I blame her husband.
So ok now whats been going on in my life?
I'm broke, jobless, and hopeless. I have glasses on order for me. I have a stigmatisim that makes my vision all messed up.Aparently my pupils are oval rather than round like a nomal person. Meaning cat-like eyes in a very minute sort of way. So the glasses I have on oreder are going to correct this. However I have been warned that they will make me very dizy and discombobulated for a while. a few months at most.
Also, I've been given sleeping pills. I am supposed to take half of a pill before bed. This is going to be a diffrent world for me. I have not had a fill 8 hours sleep in a long time. Aparently the idea is to give me a sleeping pill that will allow me to goto sleep and stay asleep for a full eight hours. I have an apointment with a lawyer at eight pm on wednesday. I don't have $25 to pay them fo services.Life sucks still.
Before, I used to bitch alot about how people treadted children, and families they had. Well now, all I can say is, please realize that the one you are with is special. Realize this, and please don't let them go. Cherrish the one your with. Don't let them go, and don't risk your relationship in any way. Also, go out of your way. Make sure they know that you apreciate them. For a weekend, try and just make them happy. Make that person your king, or queen. Do what you can to make that weekend a memory to never be forgotten. Cook breakfast lunch and dinner for them. Be creative, and come up with something to do. Go for a walk in the park, and spend an abnormal ammount of time doing it. Take a weekend or a day or whatever, and just make sure they know. Sometimes telling them just isn't enough. So do for them first. When the weekend is over, THEN tell them how much you love them and tell them that you aprecaite them.